12 Nov
|
4 mins
Many of us assume that other people are naturally confident. We look at them, especially when they’re facing situations that would fill us with self-doubt and assume that their self-belief and confidence must be so high! How do they even do that? How do they seem to just glide through situations that make us shudder?
In reality most people experience self-doubt. Even the most high flying CEO has those moments. There are always situations where our confidence dips and we experience a wobble.
Sometimes that’s hard to believe, when other people seem so at ease in their own skin. But confidence is a personal skill that can be developed.
What matters most is what you do when self-doubt kicks in. Do you turn and run to avoid ever getting into that type of situation again? Or do you face it and do something to change your feelings and turn them around?
So often we compare our own internal doubts with someone else’s external appearance of confidence and end up berating ourselves for not seeming as buoyant and confident as they are. If only we had their confidence…if only we had that feeling of certainty in ourselves, that self-assured look on our faces.
Most people mistakenly believe that confidence comes first and then actions follow on the back of that confidence. But in real life taking action first can actually lead us to feel more confident.
People regularly hold themselves back from speaking up in meetings; from volunteering to present to a group; avoiding facing strangers at networking events; having difficult conversations with challenging colleagues; giving feedback to others. But these can be crucial points to address in order to progress professionally. Putting them off until we magically become more confident might mean putting them off forever!
Think about when you learned to drive.
Whilst most people felt excited at the prospect of learning, nerves often kicked in when you were behind the wheel on a public road for the first time. But we stuck with it and the more we practiced, the more it felt like a natural skill. And now, as experienced drivers we often find ourselves so confident that we end up driving on automatic pilot!
Often the process of learning in spite of your nerves is the best way to address many of the things that make us lack confident in the workplace. Stretching yourself out of your comfort zone can help build confidence through experience, practice and repetition.
Of course we’ll make mistakes; there will certainly be times when we’ll cringe inwardly at our own errors – but ultimately we can recover from setbacks, we can learn from our mistakes and we will become more capable.
Look at toddlers…we don’t just give them one shot at walking!
We encourage them to try again when they fall over, we reassure them, keep them positive, help them up and get them trying again and again. We need a bit of that determined toddler approach as adults.
So what if you fall over and make a mistake?
Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again!
As our competence grows, so will our confidence. And everytime we face a challenge and tackle it successfully our confidence will bloom.
And we don’t need to take giant leaps – baby steps will do just fine:
The Progress Principle - research by Harvard Business School, suggests that making small daily improvements is the single greatest motivator in work and life. Neurologically, small wins trigger a steady release of dopamine in the brain, creating a positive feedback loop that builds personal motivation. This in turn helps you feel good about making a step in the right direction and boosts self-perception so we feel like we’re making progress day by day.
For many, the 3-2-1 Rule helps too. Biting the bullet when you face a nerve-inducing task, rather than procrastinating, can really help you drive yourself forward. Count backwards, take a breath and force yourself to take action without hesitation. This builds momentum and helps you move into the stretch zone outside your comfort zone, where personal growth happens. Feel the fear, count yourself in and do it anyway!
Try on someone else’s perspective by thinking about how the most confident person you know would face the nerve-wracking situation you’re facing. How would they handle things? What would they do? Think about it, then try their approach.
So go on – speak up in that meeting, volunteer to lead a new initiative, step up to make a presentation, initiate that conversation!
Don’t wait for confidence to come to you. Go grab yourself some! Build it by taking action, reflecting and learning from your experiences. Next time you find yourself wishing you felt more confident, take that first step forward and confidence will follow.
Let me leave you with some questions to answer next time you’re facing a confidence-zapping situation:
